July 10, 2023
Written/Edited by: Mana & Fidha
Being Left Out SUCKS!
It is never a fun experience knowing that you are being left out of a conversation or event, whether or not that is intentional. Either way, it is all around an unpleasant experience, and is rather common during the summer, as we're making plans with or without friends, family, or others. Regardless, we understand the struggle, and have a few things that might help with navigating your emotions:
Recognize that whatever your emotions may be concerning getting left out, they’re normal and valid! It would make anybody sad to be left out, and you’re not alone either— it goes without saying, but it happens to people all the time, all over the world. Try a relaxing walk/going outside, exercising (including breathing exercises,) or journaling.
Don’t jump to conclusions! More often than not, the worst case scenario is not what actually happened. There could be a good reason for excluding you. The example used by Healthline goes as follows: “You feel hurt no one told you about your friend’s impromptu get-together. What you don’t know, however, is that your recent ex (a mutual friend) showed up before your friend had a chance to invite you. Your friend, knowing you’re not entirely over the breakup, simply wanted to avoid causing you more pain.”
Consider the possibility that you’re accidentally sending out uninterested signals, whether that be with subconscious body language or small remarks. Atmosphere and attitude are important! Of course, this is not always the case— don’t blame yourself either way! Simply explore or reassess the possibility.
Talking to a therapist or a trusted adult (or anybody that makes you feel comforted, really) can be beneficial, if you’re feeling especially lonely.
If your friends are leaving you out, it may be time to upgrade! Don’t waste your time on people who have no interest in you, and find new people who are actually worthy and value your friendship.
You could try to make the first move, whether that be by inviting friends to a gathering yourself or smoothly extending an invitation to yourself.
Try engaging in activities that you can have plenty of fun doing alone, such as watching television or taking a nice bath.
Did you know that physical and social pain may be correlated?
While being left out is never a pleasant feeling, there is some reasoning behind the pain we feel when excluded. For example, researchers have found that our brains process feelings of social exclusion similar to physical pain. In a study done by Zhang et al (2020), the researchers found that the, “experience of social exclusion increases sensitivity to pain elicited by noxious stimuli.” To clarify, noxious stimuli is any stimulus that is strong enough to threaten the body and may cause potential damage to the touch and/or cause pain but does not always do so. These stimuli activate nociceptors, which are sensory receptors that detect signals of damaged tissue and chemicals released from those tissues. These signals are transmitted to the spinal dorsal root ganglia, via the afferent nerve, and will arrive at the dorsal horn of the spinal cord. Preliminary integration of sensory information is performed in the thalamus and transmitted to the higher-level cortex in the pain matrix to further continue to distinguish their components. Additionally, the researchers found that those who are more sensitive to physical pain are also more sensitive to social pain, indicating a similar processing pathway in the brain. Further, being left out often leads to loneliness and increased cortisol levels (Magen, 2018).
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